Common Sense Killed the Internet Star

It's a vicious cycle, technology. To quote the possibly only hit by The Buggles, "Video killed the radio star." Before that, it was radio killed the telegraph star. It really goes all the way back to language killed the art of grunting and using hand motions to maybe convey something.

Fast forward to recent times: Internet killed... well... a lot. That's not to say it didn't bring life to a lot of things, because it did. Actually, yeah, let's play with "bringing to life." It brought to life the art of online dating, bringing people together in an alternate fashion. It brought to life an almost immediate way to communicate with people far away from you; at the click of a button, the month-long wait to get a message from Oklahoma to Lichtenstein is removed. It brought to life many business ventures, while expanding already established businesses into the trade of online sale.

However, the internet also brought to life the age of synthetic communication, the age of cyber bullying, the age of I Can Say Whatever Comes to Mind Because I'm Not Talking to This Person Face to Face. It brought to life the age of computer-screen hobbies trumping outdoor and creative hobbies.

With the internet, a slew of social networking sites came into existence, helping and hindering my generation at the same time. Sometimes I wonder what my life would be like without it. But this post is not for my musings on an alternate universe. This post is for reflections on an event the currently came to pass, hopefully working as a commentary for American culture today.

As with most universities, my school has a Facebook page for my incoming freshman class. As with many freshmen pages, people start talking and becoming unsettlingly buddy-buddy with each other. Maybe my class is special, but people are ALWAYS talking. ALWAYS. Every hour of every day. I consistently have new notifications about so-and-so doing such-and-such. That's great that they're having such a hunky-dory time bonding via computer screen. More power to 'em. Let's see how many stay friends once school actually starts.
The other day, though, the idea arose for the girls to make a secret group to talk about all the cute guys.
Consequently, the guys decided, "Oh, we need to do the same thing! But for guys to talk about cute girls!"

-Pause-

First: These are 17-18 year olds, remember.
Second: These are students going to an institution of higher learning that has reputable academics.
Third: Did I mention these are 18 year olds?

-Resume play-

Needless to say, the result is two petty groups based solely on connections over the internet. Quite frankly, the only connection you really have with a person over the internet is your fingers hitting a keyboard. Last time I checked, humans don't feel like plastic squares.
People seem to disregard this falseness, however, and get overly excited about posts, comments, and individuals. So much time seems to be absorbed by talking to strangers who you might not be reading correctly. Maybe I'm old-fashioned, but I'm waiting until I get to college actually forge friendships.

Except for the three people I've talked with to a great extent for the past two to three months. That's it for my computer-originated friendships.

Peace,
-eleanor

Dear Whoever You May Be

Dear Whoever You May Be,

My supply of words has been exhausted for quite some time, and my body now feels the wear and tear of it all. It's not a foreign sensation, no,  not at all. I've lived it more times than I care to keep tally of.
The beating of my heart turned to a heavy throbbing against my frail rib cage. The flowing of my blood turned to a coursing river of monsters clawing at my veins in a desperate attempt to escape, but to no avail.
Sometimes my hands quiver. Sometimes my limbs feel frail and unsteady.
Mostly, though, it's the inexplicable feeling of being trapped in my own body.

Dear Whoever You May Be,

I wasn't crying for myself last night. I was crying for you. I was crying out for you.
I cried a tear for needing your way of knowing exactly how I'm feeling. I cried a tear for needing your way of looking at me that says, "Things are rough, but you'll get through it. It will get better"; for needing you to hold me even when I fight it; for needing that pacifying connection we have when we're together.
I cried because I need you.
I cried because I don't know your name.
I cried because we haven't found each other yet.


Dear Whoever You May Be,

You are somewhere in the world, aren't you? I need you too much for you not to exist.
I'm sure you need me as much as I need you.

Dear Whoever You May Be,

I'll keep fighting through life till we find each other.

I promise.

Dear Whoever You May Be,

I found a song I need to share with you. Listen to it. You'll hear what my heart has been trying to articulate.

Why are you so far from me?

In my arms is where you are to be.

How long will you make me wait?

I don't know how much more I can take.

I missed you but I haven't met you,

Oh but I want to.

How I do

Slowly counting down the days

Till I finally know your name,

The way your hand feels round my waist,

The way you laugh, the way your kisses taste.

I missed you but I haven't met you.

Oh how I miss you but I haven't met you,

Oh but I want to,

Oh how I want to.

Dear whoever you might be,

I'm still waiting patiently.

-"To Whom It May Concern" by The Civil Wars

Dear Whoever You May Be,

I love you.

I miss you.

Come find me, please.

Speak.

I.

I want to write,

but can't.

I want to write,

but can't find the words.

I want to write,

but can't find the words nor the push to make those words spew out of me, fall out of me, rush out of me, even though I need the right words to empty out onto a clean page so, so badly.

I need to write.

I need to write.

II.

I want to speak,

but can't.

I want to speak,

but can't make a sound.

I want to speak,

but can't make a sound that resembles a word even close to what I need to express what I'm feeling inside, expanding, heaving, building up pressure within me till I feel like I'll...

pop.

I need to speak.

I.

Need.

Speak.

III.

I want to write and speak,

but can't.

I want to write and speak,

but can't find the trust.

I want to write and speak,

but can't find the trust within myself to trust another whose reaction could so easily be not what I think I need, or could so easily make me second-guess myself.

I already second-guess myself

without ever talking to another

person.

I need to write and speak.

-eleanor.

List of Whatnot and Whatever 3

It has been almost a month since my last post. Here's a BlogList to get things rolling again.

1. Hail to Pitt!

2. Warming up an audience with an absurdist comedy is difficult.

3. You don't have to be a 5 year old boy to think that large bruises on one's leg look really cool.

4. Today's newspaper article by my favorite columnist. Click here to read!

5. Weddings are exciting!*

6. To know that your friend is competing in a national Shakespeare competition and to be completely ecstatic for him without the slightest twinge of jealous resentment is a really good sign of a healthy friendship.

7. SEVENTY-THREE DAYS TILL HARRY POTTER AND THE DEATHLY HALLOWS, PART 2 COMES OUT!!! (Oh, and high school graduation is riiiight around the corner!)

*...for the people immediately involved in the lives of the spouses and their families. They shouldn't cause extreme, eye-boggling, drool-inducing, gossip-spurring, fashion-obsessing, across-the-ocean pandemonium involving celebrity status and alarms being set for 3:00 in the morning.

Peace,

eleanor

"I want to feel a bomb drop, the earth stop till I'm satisfied."

This weekend, I found myself slipping into contemplation of my friendships. Well, it was actually more of a small-scale condemnation pow-wow. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying anything bad about the people I generally have referred to as my friends. But there is definitely something wrong with all of the relationships in my life-- and I think it's me.

For starters, I am currently irritated at every other person I see. Sometimes every 2/3s of a person I see. Sorry if you happen to be that other person or 2/3rds of a person in my Line of Vision. Sucks to be you. Not really. Wow that was harsh.

Which brings me to my second point. I'm not a nice person. I lack grace and sensitivity in my speech. I say things, then regret them. I dwell on conversations for weeks and weeks afterwards, sometimes losing sleep over things that didn't "play out quite right." Because I just know that I screwed something up... sounded stupid... offended someone.

And I'm sorry about that. I would never hurt anyone if I wasn't so fucking clingy. Sorry for the language. It just hit me how much of an aggravating person I am. I'm never close friends with anyone for an extended period of time. I latch on to a person and talk solely to him or her (although it's usually a guy... I think I have a complex... great...), then I realize how stupid I must sound, how irritating I must be, and I shut myself off from them. I beat myself up inside my head for being such an idiot.
But then I realize I have no one else to talk to, so I feel I need to just go on and on to the poor victim of my blabbering. Yet I think of myself as a burden, so I type long text messages then delete them. I talk to an imaginary figure of them in my head to avoid imposing my presence in their life. And I successfully accomplish never actually talking to people to the depth in which my heart of hearts would like.

So as I walk the halls of school I feel awkward and semi-lonely. Even though I have friends?
I contact someone not at my school and I feel like I'm intruding in their life. Even if that's a figment of my imagination?

I just wish someone would be honest with me for once and say YES YOU ARE ANNOYING. GO AWAY. STOP TALKING. FIND SOMEONE ELSE TO BOTHER. GEEEZ.

So basically, what I'm trying to say is that I'm sorry for being such a crap friend. The only way to change that is for me to put all my friendships on hiatus. ...like they're not already. Psh.

Do not even think about posting some globbledeeshnuff comment about how "awww no youre wonderfulllll!! bestfriendddd i love u!!"
Because that is I exactly the opposite of what I want to hear.

Either don't comment, or agree with me.

peace,
-eleanor

Sing Sing Sing

How to spend the last Saturday night of Spring Break:


Put on a flowy black dress and a baggy 80s-esque Mickey Mouse sweatshirt.
Adorn your loose pigtail braids with a black and white polka-dot headband.
Lace up your wingtip shoes as you exit your house.


Arrive at the swing dance at 8:15pm.


Meet up with your friend.
Discover that he got a pair of wingtip dance shoes for himself.
Have a brief "We're twinsies!" moment.


Dance.


Have a guy a year older than you come up to you and say, "I have a cunning plan."
Reply, "Okay. What is it?"
Receive the reply, "I don't remember. Want to dance?"
Continue to dance two consecutive dances with him because your conversation was not finished during the first dance.


Dance.


Dance.


Play with your friend's Fedora while he's not near you.
Get complimented on your hat by a stranger.
Tell stranger it's your friend's hat.
Have stranger say that it probably looks better on you than on him.
(Win.)


Dance.


Rest.


Dance.


Dance five songs in a row. Even though you're out of breath and your feet hurt.
Be asked by a random dance partner if you take ballet because "You're so graceful. You look like you're flying."


Rest.


Dance.


Meet your friend's friends. 
Have conversations with them.


Dance.


Pull chairs together in a circle.
Talk about random things... including the decline of the music industry.


Dance.


Dance.


11:59-- Last dance of the night!
Start to mess up simple dance steps.
Come to the conclusion with your friend that exhaustion is the cause of your skill-lowering.
Laugh half the time you dance.


Leave the dance with your friend and his friends, feet aching but not ready to head home.


Arrive at Denny's.
"I'll have a strawberry milkshake. Could I have it in a to-go cup, please?"
"I'll also have what she's having, in a to-go cup."
"I'll have orange juice in a to-go cup."
"I'll have a vanilla milkshake in a to-go cup."
waitress: "So... what do you want in a to-go cup?"
"I'll have a chocolate milkshake, NOT in a to-go cup."
Reprimand (in good spirits, of course) your friend for being a nonconformist and for not following the trend you started.


Head home at a quarter to 1.


Kind of get lost...
...but then call your friend and figure out where you are.
Thank him for saving you from ending up at the wrong part of Harry Hines in the wee hours of the night/morning.


Wake up Sunday morning to sore feet and sore calves.
Feel absolutely thrilled that you're in a bit of pain because
Nothing is better than dancing the night away!


peace,
-eleanor


P.S. The title of this post came from this song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r2S1I_ien6A

Texas, My (gun-slinging, weapon-concealing) Texas

Dear Governor and Congress,

Thank you so much for helping me with my college decision. I read in the news that the bill to allow concealed weapons on college campuses passed favorably onto the House floor. If the bill does eventually become law, I will more than likely not be attending a university in this gigantic, oddly-shaped state.

Why do we need a law to allow concealed weapons on a college campus? Do we not already have enough problems? Quite frankly, the thought of hidden weapons in who-knows-whose pocket or pant leg or shirt sleeve frightens me. It only takes one argument taking place at the wrong time to result in foolish (and fatal) gun fire. And what if there is a glitch and the gun goes off by itself?

I'm also puzzled as to why you are legalizing the concealment of the weapon. Would it not be more effective to legalize the weapon in plain view? If I were wanting to pick a fight, I would be much less likely to do so if I saw that a person was toting a pistol on their belt. It's more intimidating that way. Not to mention easier access. If someone were to cause a dangerous situation in which one who supports this bill would say is a prime example of needing a gun, it would probably take too long for a) the reaction time to kick in, b) the weapon to be un-concealed, and c) the defender to use said weapon.

Basically, there are more cons to this bill than pros.

Typical.

But it's Texas! And we're better than everyone! And we were once a country which makes us, like, tooootally awesome! Right? Yeeeuhhh.

(gag)

Again-- thank you, Governor and Congress, for helping me narrow down my college list.

Most sincerely,
eleanor