Can I quit? ...I mean, MAY I quit? PLEASE.

If you're looking for a cheery post, you may close your browser right now.

No, really, leave my blog this instant because you a) will not be bubbly after reading this, and b) will probably think I'm severely unhealthy.

I am actually very healthy, though, so if you DO decide to read this (which you probably won't because this is just me writing to no one, and besides I'm really boring), please refrain from jumping to rash conclusions.

I feel like I'm at a bursting point. I cannot handle any more in my life right now, let alone handle what I already have on my plate. For the past week, I've felt like I am slowly slipping... slipping...

I went to bed last night with out doing my French homework. It was midnight, I was exhausted, and I decided getting 6 hours of sleep was more important than skimming over a foreign language in a stupor and attempting to remember it the next day while running on only 4 or 5 hours of sleep.

Today, I nearly broke down in tears three times. My inability to understand spoken French made me fight back tears, my inability to correctly make an "s" sound nearly made me cry, and my overall stress just about broke me down.

No matter how hard I try, I keep frantically racing deadlines. I'm always one step behind where I should be. I have been working diligently, yet balancing life has become exceedingly difficult. My confidence is dropping, my anxiety is raising, and my mind is darting around everywhere.

I decided there was no one I could talk to about feeling shitty, no one I could get a big hug from, no one I could use as a crying post. Everyone seems so... distant... from me. Plus, crying would only mess up my day even further.

At least rehearsal temporarily distracted me from everything.

At least.

Now I have to study for an economics test, read about Hinduism, and work on figuring out zeros and polynomial crap.

This week has convinced me of three things:

1) College will whip my ass.

2) Adulthood will be a disaster. In fact, I may not make it past 19 or 20 years of age.

3) I will never, ever, ever be good for people.

-eleanor