Sing Sing Sing

How to spend the last Saturday night of Spring Break:


Put on a flowy black dress and a baggy 80s-esque Mickey Mouse sweatshirt.
Adorn your loose pigtail braids with a black and white polka-dot headband.
Lace up your wingtip shoes as you exit your house.


Arrive at the swing dance at 8:15pm.


Meet up with your friend.
Discover that he got a pair of wingtip dance shoes for himself.
Have a brief "We're twinsies!" moment.


Dance.


Have a guy a year older than you come up to you and say, "I have a cunning plan."
Reply, "Okay. What is it?"
Receive the reply, "I don't remember. Want to dance?"
Continue to dance two consecutive dances with him because your conversation was not finished during the first dance.


Dance.


Dance.


Play with your friend's Fedora while he's not near you.
Get complimented on your hat by a stranger.
Tell stranger it's your friend's hat.
Have stranger say that it probably looks better on you than on him.
(Win.)


Dance.


Rest.


Dance.


Dance five songs in a row. Even though you're out of breath and your feet hurt.
Be asked by a random dance partner if you take ballet because "You're so graceful. You look like you're flying."


Rest.


Dance.


Meet your friend's friends. 
Have conversations with them.


Dance.


Pull chairs together in a circle.
Talk about random things... including the decline of the music industry.


Dance.


Dance.


11:59-- Last dance of the night!
Start to mess up simple dance steps.
Come to the conclusion with your friend that exhaustion is the cause of your skill-lowering.
Laugh half the time you dance.


Leave the dance with your friend and his friends, feet aching but not ready to head home.


Arrive at Denny's.
"I'll have a strawberry milkshake. Could I have it in a to-go cup, please?"
"I'll also have what she's having, in a to-go cup."
"I'll have orange juice in a to-go cup."
"I'll have a vanilla milkshake in a to-go cup."
waitress: "So... what do you want in a to-go cup?"
"I'll have a chocolate milkshake, NOT in a to-go cup."
Reprimand (in good spirits, of course) your friend for being a nonconformist and for not following the trend you started.


Head home at a quarter to 1.


Kind of get lost...
...but then call your friend and figure out where you are.
Thank him for saving you from ending up at the wrong part of Harry Hines in the wee hours of the night/morning.


Wake up Sunday morning to sore feet and sore calves.
Feel absolutely thrilled that you're in a bit of pain because
Nothing is better than dancing the night away!


peace,
-eleanor


P.S. The title of this post came from this song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r2S1I_ien6A

Texas, My (gun-slinging, weapon-concealing) Texas

Dear Governor and Congress,

Thank you so much for helping me with my college decision. I read in the news that the bill to allow concealed weapons on college campuses passed favorably onto the House floor. If the bill does eventually become law, I will more than likely not be attending a university in this gigantic, oddly-shaped state.

Why do we need a law to allow concealed weapons on a college campus? Do we not already have enough problems? Quite frankly, the thought of hidden weapons in who-knows-whose pocket or pant leg or shirt sleeve frightens me. It only takes one argument taking place at the wrong time to result in foolish (and fatal) gun fire. And what if there is a glitch and the gun goes off by itself?

I'm also puzzled as to why you are legalizing the concealment of the weapon. Would it not be more effective to legalize the weapon in plain view? If I were wanting to pick a fight, I would be much less likely to do so if I saw that a person was toting a pistol on their belt. It's more intimidating that way. Not to mention easier access. If someone were to cause a dangerous situation in which one who supports this bill would say is a prime example of needing a gun, it would probably take too long for a) the reaction time to kick in, b) the weapon to be un-concealed, and c) the defender to use said weapon.

Basically, there are more cons to this bill than pros.

Typical.

But it's Texas! And we're better than everyone! And we were once a country which makes us, like, tooootally awesome! Right? Yeeeuhhh.

(gag)

Again-- thank you, Governor and Congress, for helping me narrow down my college list.

Most sincerely,
eleanor

"sometimes i just need to escape"

It has been brought to my attention that a blogging hiatus is not in my best interest. So, "Hi!" I'm back.

Over the past week, a familiar question once again rose to the forefront of my mind: Do I really know myself?
My answer: Not really.

As the reality of embarking on the college journey draws nearer, I worry greatly about who I am and who I'll become. If you know me, you are well aware that I am a compulsive worrier, jumping to blame myself for mishaps and the first person to be in a tizzy about little things. If you don't know me, well, there you go-- I am horrible about beating myself up and worrying myself sick. And I mean that almost literally. Almost.

Just this week, some serious life-related issues came up: what am I actually good at? Am I actually capable of spending my life doing what I love to do? What do I believe in?

What am I actually good at? This question has popped up many times throughout the years, namely because I view myself as a very well-rounded person. I do not excel at any one school subject more so than the others. I am not an adolescent guru in any area. I do not have abnormally commendable talents.
I am a dabbler. My talents dabble all over the place. If I had to pin myself to being good at something, I would say that my talent lies mostly in the arts, predominantly theatre; however, is it fair to say that? I am not exceptionally talented, just averagely so. Sure, I love it and I really only feel at home when I'm around theatre people, but loving something does not equate to being successfully good at something. Which leads quite beautifully into my next point...

Am I actually capable of spending my life doing what I love to do? I have had an increasing number of break downs during shows over the past two years. Last year, I mostly felt just stressed about balancing school and plays. This year, in the fall, the non-theatre stuff in my life brought me to tears twice during school. Just this past week, I had two or three moments where I cracked-- I felt incapable of adequately executing my job on deck crew and had to pull over to the side of the road one night driving home because I was crying too hard. I wanted to someone to hold me and actually understand me, not just say "Aww, I'm sorry! Don't worry, you'll be fine!" I wanted my body to just crack open so that all the pressure and confusion and frustration inside of me could explode everywhere and leave me alone. I wanted to quit.
But I didn't have anyone like that to run to. I didn't have the ability or will to physically release the intense emotion (beyond sobbing my eyes out, then hiding my blotched face from my parents' eyes). I couldn't quit.
So I am faced with a complicated conundrum: What do I do when the only thing which provides me with a sense of love and acceptance also provides me with a slowly increasing level of frustration? How do I reconcile this conflict? And, more importantly... is it me, my mind, who is the source of the problem?

So... What do I believe in? I believe that friendships can be fleeting, but that the few true ones are invaluable. I believe that I would be content with living in a small apartment for a chunk of my life if that's what ends up happening. I believe that the most valuable things in life are intangible. And, although I don't know exactly what I religiously believe, I do believe in the power of prayer. Beyond that, I'm not sure what much else I believe in.

People tell me not to worry. People tell me that I'm too hard on myself. But the thing is, I don't know how to control the way my mind works. I don't know if I'll ever learn how to. For all the rockiness already in my relationships, it will become even less stable in a few months-- and that, above all else, scares me terribly. I included in a letter to my friends the other day to "Learn to love YOU, because YOU are the only thing you know for sure will be with you when you go off to college." I wrote that half as advice to him... and half as advice to myself. I need to figure out who I am so that I don't drown in everything which will soon flood around me. If only I knew how to do so.

peace,
-eleanor