Thursday, December 2, 2010

List of Whatnot and Whatever 2

The Number Two and Its Current Significance in My Life:


2 weeks since my last blog post.



2 college acceptances, to date.

2 performances left of the first play I've ever directed.


2 monologues I have to perfect before Saturday.


2 mental disorders I diagnose myself with off-and-on.

2 weeks until school gets out for Christmas break.


peace,
-eleanor

Friday, November 19, 2010

Random Thoughts for the Day (and Beyond)

I have a college application due on December 1. I still have to write an essay for it. Too bad I'm having a horrible time thinking of something to write about.

I went to a 12:01am showing lastnight/thismorning of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part I. IT WAS THE GREATEST MOVIE OF THE SERIES, AND ONE OF THE BEST MOVIES I'VE EVER SEEN!!!!!!!

Also, I dressed up at Bellatrix Lestrange for the movie, complete with the Dark Mark on my left forearm. I felt awesome.

I still have to ask someone to my high school's big, climactic, seniors-only, girls-ask-guys, pinnacle-of-a-dance. It is in exactly four weeks. For the first time in my life, I've had to work really hard at figuring out who to ask. He a) has to realize we're going as friends, b) has to be fun and mature, and c) has to be able to actually dance. This is a more difficult task than it may seem. Ohhh the waning population of quality gentlemen...

Lastly, but not least at all, I am (still) in love with Rupert Grint.













peace,
-eleanor

Monday, November 8, 2010

"Hold on to your hats, boys!"

The title of my post is a line from Noel Coward's Blithe Spirit, a British drawing-room comedy set in 1939/1941-ish in which I was recently Ruth, one of the leading characters. In fact, yesterday was our last performance. Because of my involvement in the play, I have had zero time to blog as of late and will not have time to do so for another few days. My apologies for the lack of writing. I will make up for it soon, I promise!

So, until then, "hold on to your hats, boys!"

peace!
-eleanor

Friday, October 29, 2010

List of Whatnot and Whatever 1

1. I am going to go to college!





2. "AP French" has officially sealed its position as #1 Stressor In My Life.


3. Sleep deprivation really screws with my sanity.


4. The Rocky Horror Glee Show is awesome, thankyouverymuch.


5. Texting people is really fun when you're super stressed.


peace
-eleanor

Thursday, October 21, 2010

(partly) Legal

Eighteen years ago, at 3:13pm, I came into the world a week late.

8 lbs, 6 oz. 21 inches long.

I was a big baby.

How eighteen years passed so quickly is beyond my comprehension. I remember starting kindergarten and thinking that the 8th graders were the biggest people in the world. I remember being eight years old and always trying to be "cool."

I've wanted to be a vet.
I've wanted to be an elementary school teacher.
I've wanted to be on Broadway.

I couldn't care less now a days about being "cool", and my perception of 8th graders has definitely changed. I no longer want to be a veterinarian, nor an elementary school teacher, nor on Broadway.

Now I'm busy keeping up my sanity more than keeping up appearances. Now graduate students seem dauntingly old.
I'm considering becoming a drama therapist, a high school theater teacher, or an arts administrator.

But we'll see. Anything can happen! Eighteen years from now, I'll be 36 years old (AHHHHHHHHH). That seems ridiculous right now, but I'm sure I'll wake up one morning and think, "What the hell happened, and how did I jump from 18 to 36 so quickly?"

Will I be married? Have kids? How many kids?
Will I have a job? What will my career be?
Will I look young? Or will I be seriously graying?

I may dye my hair if it grays. Or not. Maybe I'll look good with silver hair. Hm.

I feel I've digressed drastically from the main intent of this post... well, I actually may not have had a main intent of this post... but if I were to have had a main intent it would have been this:

I turned 18 today!

Hazzah!

In the words of my friend, "HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!! I hope you have a wonderful birthday and I hope you're excited about being 18 (though it means practically nothing until you go to college)."

Quite the kill-joy, there, buddy.
Just kidding :)

I included his message because I did nothing to fulfill my new abilities. I did not buy a lottery ticket. I did not buy anything off of an infomercial. I did not buy cigarettes. I am registered to vote, but I haven't voted yet. Quite uneventful... how boring of me!

And since I'm not 21, I can't legally drink.

My drivers license expired today, though. I should probably take care of that.

peace.
-eleanor

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

"Let's do the Time Warp again!"

I remember the first time I experienced this magnificent cinematic creation. In all honesty, confusion filled my mind for the first ten minutes. Then, as if I had undergone a surreal revelation, the film began to glimmer in crystal clarity, and I got lost in its Sea of Wonder.

I do not remember ever before laughing so wholeheartedly at a musical/comedy/spoof movie. The complete insanity of the film, plus the absolute genius which was necessary to create such an artistic piece of motion photography, stole a little portion of my heart.

From "Damn it, Janet" to "The Time Warp" to "Touch-A Touch-A Touch-A Touch Me", the songs (and actors and costumes and everything else!) had me in side-splitting laughter.

Really.
You can ask my friends Elyse, Tori, and Haley.
They were there.
I laughed the hardest out of the four of us.

Next thing on my to-do list: Watch the interactive version of this cult classic!

In conclusion, I love the Rocky Horror Picture Show!



Tune in to FOX on Tuesday October 26 at 7:00pm to watch the Rocky Horror Glee episode!

peace,
-eleanor

Sunday, October 17, 2010

To a Mr. Deresiewicz

Mr. Deresiewicz,


I am usually one to become flustered when defending a point of view. My words stumble over each other, and I rarely sound as fluid and convincing as I plan on sounding.


However, reading the speech you gave to a freshman class at Stanford felt like reading my own mind, but in a logical, easy-to-follow, convincing layout. Your words were my thoughts exactly. In fact, your writing style reminded me a lot of the way I write and speak.


Thank you for composing such a powerful, self-affirming speech. You have raised my confidence level by reiterating that I'm not the only one who knows I can make my way even if I major in the humanities. You have gone against what society says is currently Good by speaking out for those of use who know that molds do not hold us all correctly. Your speech inspires and motivates me to follow my passions where ever they lead me because in the end true success is not monetary, is it? What matters is how happy you are at the end of the day and how much love surrounds you when you are home.


That being said, I am sharing the link with my few readers, all of whom are either seniors in high school or freshmen in college. I hope your speech touches them in some way, too.


"What Are You Going to Do with That?" by William Deresiewicz


Most sincerely,
eleanor

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Looking up? Perhaps.


Guess what?
I think I have friends.
I know I have friends. Friends my own age, in my own grade, who I've known for at least a year, if not longer. I just forgot how to be a friend, I guess... I inadvertently distanced myself from some of the funniest, most caring people in existence. I got too caught up in my own little world and my own future. I forgot about living in the present.

Now that I've remembered to enjoy the present, things are starting to look up.

On Saturday, I went out to dinner with a group of friends with whom I hadn't hung out in a while, and we had a grand old time. What's better than good friends, pizza, and too many overtly sexual jokes? (I guess that last part was a bit unnecessary... Alas.)

This afternoon, I once again hung out with that same group of friends, minus a couple, adding on a couple more. Once again, it was wonderful being around them, each and every one.

... Is it important to point out that all of the people I've been hanging out with, except for one, are guys? Probably not.

Moving on.

Because they all deserve it, each one gets a shout out. Even though none of them read this. But that's a trivial matter.

Maddie always says things like she sees it, which is ALWAYS a good thing. She keeps me realistic, she makes me laugh so very much, she tolerates me when I go crazy, and she is incredibly talented.

Durgan is the jolly ginger giant. But not really since he doesn't have freckles. However, for the sake of alliteration, he is a ginger not a daywalker. And he's more of a beanstalk than a giant. BUT BACK TO THE MAIN POINT: His smiley face and adorable essence, without fail, cheer me up the minute I see him. He's stuck by me even when I've been fickle (sorry, again), and I am so thankful for his undying friendship.

Joe, the true ginger (brownie points? I think so), is wonderful to talk to. His ability to listen and to remind me of why I should be happy, even when I'm down, is invaluable. To top it off, he plays guitar super well and has a great sense of humor. Red hair + good listener + music + funny = Definition of cool? I think so.

Connor... where do I begin? Best hair. Hilarious. Super talented. Sarcastic. Not Italian. Good nose. Fun to have insulting textversations with. And probably a completely romantic softie, somewhere deep down in his heart. (None of this was sarcastic.) ...and he's my "supa fly" (not like a G-6) best friend. Woo!

Raymond and I have an odd relationship. We'll be superclose for about a week, then stop talking for months. Nevertheless, it's always a grand reuniting whenever we see each other. Our five-minute hugs, as if we'd been separated for years, are quite possibly the highlight of our friendship. That, and our deep conversations. I'm so glad we've overcome our awkward junior high years.

Ian, ohhh that darling boy. Friends since our stint in a 15-minute rendition of Peter Pan, the summer after 5th grade. I've crushed on him, he's flippantly not ever had a crush on me. Nobigdeal. Through painful high school musical after painful high school musical, we've remained friends. Yes, I thought he hated me freshman year. But he didn't, it was just Ian being Ian. And that's okay. Because we're friends and he's wonderful.


Well. Now that I've gushed a smidgen, I suppose I should relieve your eyes from all of these words with a wee bit more "Thank You"s. No, it's not November, I'm just feeling really thankful.
1) Thank you, Chris, for giving me so much encouragement over the past few days. You are an angel, and I miss you terribly.
2) Thank you, Angela, for being the best Best Friend. It would still be wonderful if you could transfer to go to school with me :)

Things are starting to look up. Rehearsals are getting smoother, I've started looking at school in perspective, I'm breathing more, and I'm trying to deepen my trust in people. It's scary, feeling like I'm losing control of my life. Bringing all the pieces back together is difficult, but I'm beginning to feel whole again.

peace,
-eleanor

Sunday, October 10, 2010

"I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell."


If there's one thing I know about myself, music latches on to me, bites me, pierces me, tears at me like nothing else. I'm fairly certain that I could tell my life story using other people's lyrics and music. I sure as hell get annoyed with my own inadequacy to convey my emotions with my own words, so hearing music which hits the way I feel near-perfectly serves as a bit of a relief.

In eighth grade, "Iris" by The Goo Goo Dolls became my favorite song of all-time. I realize this sounds cliche. I realize that now a days, everyone who listens to mainstream music is obsessed with John Rzeznik's angelic voice. But to a little fourteen-year-old girl crying herself to sleep while the lyrics "When everything feels like the movies, yeah you bleed just to know you're alive" wrapped around her like the most frightening yet most comforting blanket you could ever get lost in, "Iris" and John Rzeznik were everything but cliche and mainstream. Every word of that song touched me. "Iris" could break me down and raise me up at the same time.

High school rolled around.

Freshman year, I dappled in and out of being a wreck. No one knew, though. I chose to keep everything behind a mask of smiles and long-sleeved garments.  So I listened to my music, held my salt-stained pillow as tightly as my frail arms could manage, and finished freshman year with a 4.0.

"Unwell" by Matchbox Twenty
"Broken" by Lifehouse
"Breathe 2AM" by Anna Nalick
...to name just a few

I had my depressed songs, my this-song-is-about-love-which-does-not-exist-in-my-life songs, my lovesick songs.

Sweet sixteen found me denouncing my faith, and finding information and bits to back my reasoning. I struggled through finding something to believe in, if anything. I struggled with who I was. I still was a bit of a wreck, though slowly recovering from my secret catastrophe. Flyleaf's "So I Thought" spoke to me so intimately I could have sworn she wrote it for me:

"On my knees, dim lighted room. Thoughts free-flow, try to consume myself in this. I'm not faithless, just paranoid of getting lost to that I might lose. Ignorance is bliss, cherish it. Pretty neighborhoods you learn too much to hold. Believe it not. And fight the tears with pretty smiles and lies about the times. A year goes by, and I can't talk about it. The times weren't right, and I couldn't talk about it."

That was me. It still is me sometimes.

For some reason, this past year took a turn for the better. Sure, I had my ups and downs here and there. I had my first boyfriend-- a HUGE MISTAKE that took me a whole two months to end. I strengthened friendships-- the best thing that could have happened. Nothing is perfect, but my junior year of high school has been the best year so far.
I rocked out to Jason Derulo with my friend on the way to rehearsals.
I started putting music to my lyrics.
I danced to "Iris" at prom with one of my best friends.
I fell in love with GLEE!!

Then summer happened.
And I started slipping in and out of friendships.
And I began questioning other people,
people's motives,
people's intentions,
myself.
And I lost some music.

So I started senior year feeling friendless and minuscule.

My reflection is bipolar-- "You're cute."//"Why the hell did you wake up, you ugly, ugly girl."
My mind is anxious and paranoid-- "My friends are amazing."//"They don't really like me... that pause means they hate me... they don't invite me places because I'm annoying... I'm unattractive so they don't like me... all the compliments are fake and they go off and back stab me, I just know it."

I've become a big knot of anxiety, self-doubt, and anger. And I don't know why.

Recently, the song "Just the Way Your Are" by Bruno Mars made me smile, half out of its beauty and half out of how bang-on the song captured self image, almost eerily so. I don't believe people's compliments most of the time, and I think my laugh is obnoxious. If a guy had written that for me or if he were to sing it to me, I'm not sure I would believe it, even though I want to believe it. I want to believe I'm amazing just the way I am, but... I'm not. I see my defects too vividly to think of myself as amazing.
When I listen to this song, I can picture a whole movie reel of pictures I've created in my own head, of me and Mr. Perfect-For-Me-Who-Unfortunately-Does-Not-Exist. Surreal and cinema-perfect scenes in the most pleasant weather, with just the right amount of sunlight reflecting off of my brown-blond-red hair and my grey-blue eyes. I look brilliant. And it's all set to this beautiful, beautiful love song.
I've pretty much given up on love, though. If I have troubles loving myself, I do not have the right to expect anyone else to love me.
If I could be that girl he's singing about... if I could honestly believe I were that girl...

"I'm not that girl" -- Wicked


"I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell. I know right now you can't tell." -- Matchbox Twenty

"For one so small, you seem so strong. My arms will hold you, keep you safe and warm." -- Phil Collins

"And I will try to fix you." -- Coldplay

-eleanor

image at top taken from http://farm4.static.flickr.com

Thursday, October 7, 2010

Can I quit? ...I mean, MAY I quit? PLEASE.

If you're looking for a cheery post, you may close your browser right now.

No, really, leave my blog this instant because you a) will not be bubbly after reading this, and b) will probably think I'm severely unhealthy.
I am actually very healthy, though, so if you DO decide to read this (which you probably won't because this is just me writing to no one, and besides I'm really boring), please refrain from jumping to rash conclusions.

I feel like I'm at a bursting point. I cannot handle any more in my life right now, let alone handle what I already have on my plate. For the past week, I've felt like I am slowly slipping... slipping...

I went to bed last night with out doing my French homework. It was midnight, I was exhausted, and I decided getting 6 hours of sleep was more important than skimming over a foreign language in a stupor and attempting to remember it the next day while running on only 4 or 5 hours of sleep.

Today, I nearly broke down in tears three times. My inability to understand spoken French made me fight back tears, my inability to correctly make an "s" sound nearly made me cry, and my overall stress just about broke me down.

No matter how hard I try, I keep frantically racing deadlines. I'm always one step behind where I should be. I have been working diligently, yet balancing life has become exceedingly difficult. My confidence is dropping, my anxiety is raising, and my mind is darting around everywhere.

I decided there was no one I could talk to about feeling shitty, no one I could get a big hug from, no one I could use as a crying post. Everyone seems so... distant... from me. Plus, crying would only mess up my day even further.

At least rehearsal temporarily distracted me from everything.

At least.

Now I have to study for an economics test, read about Hinduism, and work on figuring out zeros and polynomial crap.

This week has convinced me of three things:
1) College will whip my ass.
2) Adulthood will be a disaster. In fact, I may not make it past 19 or 20 years of age.
3) I will never, ever, ever be good for people.

-eleanor

Sunday, October 3, 2010

Paging Perez Hilton!


It has come to my attention that my friend is a celebrity. At least, on his college campus he is.
Why is he a celeb? Because he blogs. How did he discover his celeb status? Because when he introduced himself to a girl on campus, she said "OH THE BLOG GUY?!"
I'm tempted to say he's bringing sexy back by bringing blogging back.

peace
-eleanor

Monday, September 27, 2010

Busy busy

I have made a serious, serious promise to myself.

I will not log on to Facebook until November 8 unless there is an emergency, or something that immediately needs attending to.

Maybe check once on Saturday and once on Sunday, too.

But other than that, no Facebook until the play closes. No Facebook until strike is over.

Honestly, this should be a good thing, regardless of how difficult it will be at first (why does social networking effect people like a drug?), considering I have numerous projects and papers to work on, on top of memorizing lines.

Just thought I'd share.
Any thoughts/comments about Facebook and the like?

-eleanor

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

damnuterus*

"Good morning, starshine!"
screams my puffy eyes underlined with circles and dark bags.
"Time to face the day!"
drones from my reflection, oddly resembling Sleepy the dwarf
but without facial hair
and with more feminine features.

Boil (the water)
Eat (the bagel with strawberry cream cheese)
Drink (the English breakfast tea)

no going back to BED for me
no going anywhere but school for me

with my uterus

damnuterus.

Pop the pill to quell the pain to focus my mind on school work.

Work
Wor...
Wo...whoops! focus = gone b/c energy = used up

Put " f(x) = I(feel)^2 + icky(blicky) " into standard form
           |
           | 
          V
" f(x) = (pill + failed)^2 - damnuterus "


Next hour and a half, a war was fought
against the backdrop of sickbeds, heating pads, blankets, herbal tea, and tissues.

And an extra dose of Ibuprofen.

Of course.

"I am woman. Hear me roar"
"I am woman. Hear me roar [at my "gift"]"
"I am woman. Hear me roar [out of monthly agony]"
"I am woman. Hear me roar [because of my damn two X chromosomes]"

I came [to the nurse's clinic].
I saw [the room from the balled-up position of a fetus].
I conquered [the art of going home].

damnuterus.

Friday, September 10, 2010

I feel >.< !!!

Two weeks in, and I'm already apathetic towards high school social events.

Friday night football? Eh... I'm tired, and don't feel like putting the effort into going.

Homecoming? Eh... there's no one who I hope to get asked by. The novelty of mums is beginning to fade. I guess I could drag one of my now-college friends to a high school dance?

Two weeks in, only two weeks in, and I'm already feeling the absence of all the guys I hung out with last year. I'm already feeling trapped in a catty cage instead of a sisterhood of learning. I'm already wanting to rewind a year, or fast forward a year, just to avoid the present awkward in-between.

Being at the top, being the oldest at school, sucks. At least, it sucks if the people with whom you relate most happen to be older than you. Because they're not there any more. They're scattered everywhere but where you want them to be. Even if they are only 40 minutes away, you never see them, never talk to them. The dynamics change, things shift around, and sometimes life just gets lonely.

(every "you" above probably only refers to me)

exasperatedly yours,
-eleanor

Thursday, September 2, 2010

Bet ya weren't expecting THIS!

Dear Zachary,

Two weeks ago, you asked me to write on my edging-on-estranged blog. Two weeks ago, I promised I would do so within the next day or two.

Um... I didn't.

Obviously.

Unless we're talking in "God days," in which case the interpretation of "day" is loose. Very loose.
But I'm not a loose woman, and I'm definitely not God, so I must admit that I failed in my promise to you. For that, I am sorry. To every misfortune, though, there is a silver lining. Congratulations, Zak! Your silver lining is this: A blog entry whose subject is you! OH GOODY!

For you minuscule handful who read my blog (somewhere between 1 and 5 readers, total), my dear friend Zak happens to be one of the most brilliant, witty, caring, spiritual, adorable people I've ever met in my life. If you were to combine a mathematician, a stand-up comedian, a dad, a deacon, and a teddy bear, you would end up with Zak. And I mean that in the most sincere, kindhearted way possible. In fact, if I were to create a list titled "People Who Have Changed My Life and Without Whom I Would Be a Sad Person," Zak would be on there without a doubt. Honestly, he naturally emanates goodness and happy feelings. I'm a big fan. Maybe I should make t-shirts... and sweatpants... andcoffeemugsfridgemagnetspencilssweatshirtscheershortsbookmarksbumperstickers! (Overkill? Pshhh no...)

Now, you're probably thinking, "Dude, are you in love with this guy? You are SUCH a creeper for writing a whole blog about him."
Well... I'm not in love with him (at this point in time). Nor am I a creeper (at any point in time). Thankyouverymuch. On the contrary, I am rather averagely fond of Zak. I prefer to save the "in love with Zak" label for our friend Arnold. HAHA. I kid, I kid. (Inside joke with friends... do y'all get it? Oui?).

Back to the point:
I'm writing this as a celebration of friendship. A year ahead of me in school, Zak inspires me in many ways to grow as a person. His passion for and skill in the French language puts me in awe. I hope one day I'll be fluent, and I know that I'll have his encouragement to thank. His insistence that I write on my blog and his interest in my writing really encourage me to hone my writing skills. When I need advice about religion and faith, he is always a great person to talk to. He excels at so much-- from MC-ing high school one acts, to publishing math books, to trying to be French (teehee). I could go on, but I a) don't want to embarrass Zak too much, and b) have homework to do.

Alas, I have one parting message:
Thank you, Zak, for being such a beautiful friend. I miss you terribly and can't wait to see you again! Keep your head on at college, as I know you are/will :)

Oh, and a guiltless plug: You should go read Zak's blog! http://iamzaks.blogspot.com/

Je t'aime,
-eleanor

Sunday, August 1, 2010

August?

It is 12:41 AM on August 1st, two-thousand-and-ten A.D.

WoahwaitWHAT??

Someone please tell me where June and July went, how I still have summer reading to do, how I still have college essays to write, how I only have 4 more days of the theatre festival left, and how I only have 29 days till my senior year of high school begins?!?!

...My life has been crazy busy lately. I promise I'll get a decent post up soon.

Ohhh the enigmatic nature of the word "soon"!

peace,
-eleanor

Saturday, July 24, 2010

Some musings on friendship

I don't have much to say, but what I do have I'll scribble down right here. The topic on the forefront of my mind is friendship, namely because of the beautifully quirky bunch of friends who have recently been given to me through the wonderful world of working at a theatre.

Three and a half weeks ago, I found myself sitting in a theatre with a group of people who I did not know. The adults all knew each other, so I was out of that group, and there were three people around my age who didn't seem like they wanted to talk, so I did not talk to them either.
Three and a half weeks ago, the theatre would be silent until work began since no one talked.
Today, though, I can walk into the theatre already laughing from a conversation with one of them. I can be the crazy person I am around them without feeling self-conscious. I even consider one of the guys one of my good friends.

The fact that so much can change in less than a month baffles me. Take, for example, my new friend Walt*. When I first met him three or so weeks ago, I took him as arrogant; now, though, he's one of my favorite people, and we're so similar it's strange. We used to not talk at all; at some point, though, Walt and I did start talking, and now we tease each other like siblings and can hold really good conversations. I don't know what the turning point was, but I'm glad it happened. I've found an invaluable friendship.

Even the adults seem to like having us around ("us" being myself, Walt, the 20-year-old Sarah*, and the 22-year-old Richard*), and treat us like their younger siblings/cousins/nieces/nephews. The other day, I asked Daniel*, the guy I technically work under, if I am a bother. He laughed and said, "No, not in the least bit. You could do anything and still leave a warm fuzzy feeling in me. If anyone else did what you did, it would probably be annoying. But you are completely fine."
Honestly, that answer both worried me and made me really happy. I guess that's what makes someone your friend, though, right? People you care about and love being around can do things that would be so bothersome if other people did them, but since it's that certain friend you're alright with it. (This explanation excludes the fact that everyone says I remind them of a 5 year old because I'm so easily amused. Also, apparently I'm just the most adorable person ever. Whoopdiedoo.)

Looking at these quickly formed friendships makes me think about all the people I've known for months and years, yet still I do not have friendships with them nor do I know them. It's funny the way you can be drawn to some but not others.

What are your opinions on friendship?

peace
-eleanor

*Names have been changed.

Monday, July 19, 2010

Family. Etc.

It's days like these when I'm reminded that I consider my friends to be my family, and my mother, father, and brother to be my mandatory housing mates.
...when I'd rather go to Church by myself than have to ride in a car with my mother and sit all suffocated by my family in a pew. I can't concentrate on Church when my family is around.
...when my family's presence stresses me out to the point of tears. But I have to push the tears away- hide them- or else I'll be bombarded and attacked with stupid questions about whether I'm okay. Yes, I'm fine, just leave me alone. I'll be fine if you leave me alone.
...when I arrive at my internship, not wanting to be around people, yet find myself being melted quickly by the warmth of my co-workers.
...when all negative thoughts exit my mind, and are replaced with the laughter, jokes, and grinning which only my co-workers can instigate. And I mean "instigate" in the best sense of the word.
...when I stop considering my co-workers as "co-workers". When I begin to refer to them as my family.

I must step out of my mind and into my heart. Thank you, God, for blessing me with such amazing people to spend hours upon hours with. I could not have asked for a better group to consider a family.

Though, I must jump back to my mind and my secular aspects of life. Here are some of today's highlights:
1. A 5 year old was sitting on my lap, and I told her she should introduce herself to my friend, Alec, who was sitting next to me. She promptly turned her head away from him and said, "NO!"
2. My "boss" and I bonded over both having obnoxious laughs (and both having been in situations where people identified that we were in an audience because of our laughs).
3. I started laughing for no good reason in the middle of silence during dinner (everyone was starving, thus constant eating, thus minimal talking at first). Alaine* said, "Well, that's a good example of someone laughing when they feel awkward." John* asked me, "Did you feel awkward?" I said, "No! I didn't feel awkward. I just thought the silence was hilarious." John then followed with, "Do you want me to make you feel awkward?" Alaine said, "That would be illegal, John."
4. John told us about how he found this "Organic Batter Blaster" funny as shit:
http://www.hotelaphrodite.info/wp-content/uploads/2010/02/batter_blaster-5729.jpg
... which, inevitably, lead to a whole slew of extremely inappropriate and sexual jokes. Yes, 30-something year-old men are just as prone to dirty jokes as 18-year-old guys. (If you're a boy reading this, can you guess what the jokes were about??)
5. I laughed so freaking hard during dinner that I ended up bruising my ribs against the belt I was wearing around my dress. ("Bruising" meaning my ribs were sore for 3 hours after our massive fit of laughter. Awesome.)

*names changed


Well, it's all in a day's work, right?
Toodles, loves :)
-eleanor

Saturday, July 17, 2010

Just like a library book...

...this post is overdue. (Oh, how witty of me.)
Sorry for the delay in posting a new post. Hm.. that sounded redundant. Poo.

Because it's past 1 in the morning and I'm in a weird state between alert and sleepy, I made a split-second, spur-of-the-moment decision to create a list of amusing things I've heard over the past few days. Hanging out with theatre folk definitely has its perks.

A List of Quotes Which Were Extremely Funny In Context:
  • "Is that what they're calling it these days? 'Going to camp'? While all the other kids were playing Capture the Flag, you two were playing 'Capture the... Hmmmm...' "

  • "Oh, it's on! Bring it! You're not wearing heels anymore!"

  • "I went on Wikipedia, and I searched that. Okay, well, I didn't search it on purpose..."

  • "Are y'all drinking cokes because you're underage?"
    "Why yes, that's exactly why, actually."

  • "How old are you?"
    "17."
    "Ohmygod..."

  • "I looked down and thought 'Woah. I've never before seen her feet during this play. Ever.'"

  • "Okay, fine. You know what? Yeah. I'll call my mom and tell her that a boy in a bar is telling me to stay late."

...You're not laughing? Hm. Well, at least I am.

Until next time,
-eleanor

P.S. Come to the Festival of Independent Theatres!! Go here for more info :)

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Je suis intelligente, peut-etre? Ou... Les autres gens sont stupids?

So... I signed up for a two-week "Adult Intensive" French class. In a class of 8 people, with all but one other person over the age of 30, I know the most French.

Let me re-phrase:
I'm the only one who can actually carry on a basically coherent conversation.

I knew it would be easy at the beginning, but after two days we've only talked about basic pronouns, the alphabet, numbers, and the days of the week, plus the present of etre and avoir. People all around me stumble through simple, simple things with thick American accents. Some don't seem to even understand how to follow a worksheet nor how to understand the teacher when he explains stuff in English. HELLO! Worksheets have the same layout in English and French and Spanish and every other freaking language! Just because the questions and answers are in French, does not mean the layout of the assignment is drastically different from a multiple-choice worksheet in, say, US History or Biology! PLEASE, PEOPLE! Use yo' noggins!

I'm torn. I really like being in a French class, since it's keeping me in touch with the language over the summer. I just worry it's not doing me any good. I was hoping for a French class to strengthen my skills and boost my speaking confidence, yet I feel like I'm going to forget all the complicated stuff I learned since this is such a basic, basic class.

At least mon prof is funny. He keeps me engaged in this massive review session.

My question for you who are reading this: Should I keep in the class, or should I drop it? (The guy in charge said they'd refund the money if I found the class too simple.)

Friday, July 9, 2010

Dear Diary...

Dear Diary,
Yesterday I almost ran away from my house... I shy away from using the word "home" sometimes. The yelling and screaming among my family members, ricocheting off the walls and tunneling deep into my head, made me shake, squeezing all the salt water from my body out through my tear ducts. I was scrubbing spots on the kitchen floor at the time of the eruption, merely an innocent and unassuming bystander at the scene of a war, a war of the spontaneous combustion variety, the result of an omnipresent volatile substance carried within an interestingly high number of human beings.
"Just grab the keys and drive away. The door is only a few strides away. You have keys. Just get in the car and drive."
I felt my body try to lunge from my crouched position on the floor, but all I could do was just grip my cloth tighter, scrub the already-gone spots harder. All I could do was go over and over the same spot on the floor... scrubbing in circles, circles, circles... while tears steadily and heavily flowed from my eyes.
Inhaling cleaning vapors never felt so good yet so unrewarding. Staying crouched on my knees on the floor never felt so safe yet so completely vulnerable.
Diary, why could I not rise from the floor and run out the door?
Why would my body not move? Why did it just wait out the waves of the argument crashing down all around me?
When all I'm left with is a dirty washrag and a tear-stained face, I wish I did not have a family.
At least, not this family.
Until next time Diary,
eleanor

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

My Ears, My Poor and Confused Ears

DISCLAIMER: With the exception of the last bullet point, the phrases/ideas below do not reflect the opinions or beliefs of the author. Rather, this is a blog-interpretation of the day's events, inspired by surrounding people.

Things one hears/learns when hanging around theatre folk for extended periods of time:

- There is always a place for strong language, and strong language will always have a place.
- Smoking can be considered a hobby.
- Interns inadvertently become afterthoughts.
- Some people are silly and annoying and petty. ...But said people are still really awesome. We love said people.
- If your first cigarette is a Marlboro, you'll never want to smoke again. But if you then smoke a Camel, you'll completely understand why people smoke.
- Naked people on stage is cool. Girls popping out of their shirts is cool, too.
- "Welcome to theatre!" means the same thing as "I hope you like sex jokes, cussing, and cigarette smoke, because you're going to be around all of the above quite a bit."
- When an intern reads a book and a co-worker announces that there is a Literate among us, someone will undoubtedly mishear and think that the person said the intern is illiterate. Consequently, a whole slew of jokes ensues, all in good fun.
- There are two kinds of people: cool people and annoying people.
- Theatre people can be multifaceted, can be recipients of more than just a theatre major, and can give really good college advice.

And that was basically 4 hours of my day.

Ciao,
-eleanor

Sunday, July 4, 2010

Operation: W.H.I.T.E. (Willful Heat Immersion to Tan Eventually)

Normally, I'm a pale person. In fact, I usually embrace my paleness and, as a lover of quaintness, I reminisce on the Olden Days when people puffed white powder on their face to make themselves extra pale.
...Also, I'm deathly afraid of skin cancer, thus that ever-present fear generally is enough to keep my body nice and sunscreened, and my mind comfortable with having pale skin.

However, an occasion has arisen to temporarily warp my mind into succumbing to the American subculture of basking in the sun to get a tan. The occasion: Senior pictures.
The result: Operation W.H.I.T.E. (see title of post)

Operation W.H.I.T.E. began today. Almost two hours in the sizzling summer sun. Splendid.
"My word, you must be terribly pink!" you may be thinking. But, um, no. I'm still rather pale. That is because Operation W.H.I.T.E. has been carefully crafted by yours truly to be the most healthy approach to tanning ever known to mankind!!! (Okay, that's an overstatement. But keep reading, anyway.)

Basically, here's what W.H.I.T.E. entails:
Ingredients
-SPF 25/30 Sunscreen
-strapless dress
-stimulating work of literature
-iPod
Recipe
-Lay 2 towels in backyard; create pillow mound to prop up head while reading
-Lie down, face up, on towels
-Remain this way for about an hour, listening to iPod or just taking in the lovely sound of nature
-Switch to lying on stomach, and read book. Books are awesome.
-Remain this way for about an hour.
-Come inside your house.
**Must bring a nice glass of water outside with you so that you don't dehydrate! Tanned skin won't look good if your body isn't hydrated!**

Repeat this every other day, or so, so that eventually you will have a nice (and healthily obtained!!!) tan.

(I intentionally likened my tanning soon-to-be ritual to a recipe because the outdoors is like a friggin oven. Mehhh.)


Yes, friends, that is my grand Operation W.H.I.T.E. Call me crazy, but it's going to work.

I. Love. Sunscreen.

Au revoir,
-ellen

Saturday, July 3, 2010

Montreal, s'il vous plait!

In just two months, I will have begun my last year of high school. In 4 months, Early Action applications will almost be due. Consequently, college/university/whatever-its-called has been on the forefront of my mind. Here's an itty bitty snippet of my thinking:

Criteria for college:
a) must have multiple major options which tickle my fancy
b) must be supportive of the arts
c) must be big enough that I don't see the same people everywhere I turn, but small enough that I recognize people as I walk the campus
d) must be in/near a large(ish) city
e) must have French courses available for non-majors

Possible majors:
*) theatre studies/theatre arts
*) psychology
*) education (secondary, preferably)
*) graphic design (or something of the like)

I refuse to study theatre in Manhattan or Chicago or any other Hard-Core Cut-Throat acting city.
I do not want to spend my life acting, but...
I still love performing. However...
I'm not sure if I should major in theatre or not, because...

I'm looking at McGill University in Montreal, PQ. In case you didn't know, Montreal is one of THE GREATEST CITIES DANS TOUT LE MONDE. Les Quebecois sont genials! People walk or bike everywhere-- yes, bike lanes in the street which people actually use!! There are art hubs coming out the wazoo, street musicians playing beautiful music, grand trees and gorgeous parks... ahh I could go on all day. The bestbestbest part is the FRENCH! (I swear I'm not a total, crazy francophile, though. Not yet, at least. Maybe some day.)
If I apply to McGill (which I will), and get accepted to the school (which I hope I will), and decide to go (which will depend on the pending acceptance and the amount of financial aid I receive), I would be immersed in the French language with a culture of people who are so very willing to help beginning French speakers. In fact, a friend of mine just told me how accepting the Quebecois are towards Canadians and Americans who aren't fluent in French. That. Is. AWESOME. Want to know why it's awesome? Because I'm not fluent in French!
But I will be.
Someday.

Only *potential* problem: no major in theatre

But you know what...
If I get accepted, maybe this will be a time for me to branch out un peu. Maybe it will be time for me to take a step back, and try to decide whether having a major in theatre is really all that important. I do have other talents and interests after all.

And you know what?
(Excuse me for making a mathematical inequality out of the humanities, but...)
French may very well be > Theatre

Until next time, au revoir!

-eleanor

Thursday, July 1, 2010

Lamination, Pasteurization, Canadians, etc...

Here's the DL, homedawgs. I have this wicked sweet internship this summer with a theatre festival near where I live. Here's what's gone down for the three days I've worked so far. I'll be updating every day. Or every other day. You get the picture. Enjoyyyy :)

June 28, 2010

First night of festival prep. Helped with the layout for festival passes. Printed and cut out 2-week and 4-week passes; numbered them; laminated them. Completed a total of 81 passes. Met the soundboard guy, the light panel guy, and the production manager.

At the very beginning of prep tonight, I received a compliment from my mentor, David. I had suggested a way to keep all the icons on the festival pass while keeping all font type at a legible size, which he and Graeme could not figure out. When on the phone with another festival coordinator, David said that his intern (meaning moi) is a genius and saved them from getting in trouble with a sponsor who almost got left off of the pass because of layout. (GIRL POWER!) A few minutes later, David basically said that I was talented and that talented people are really helpful to have around. Brownie points for me.

The majority of the night found me putting the passes together. Yes, it was somewhat tedious. But never did I find cutting and laminating not enjoyable. In fact, I was surprised how quickly 4+ hours of paper work went by. I'm the type of person who loves making sure I'm doing things "just so"-- getting lines straight and air bubbles out and whatnot-- so this very necessary part of the festival preparations fit me perfectly. I was able to use my OCD tendencies for the greater good! When I left, I gave David the 81 passes I had completed. Tomorrow I shall conquer the remaining 54!

June 29, 2010

Second night of festival prep. Laminated festival passes. Updated festival contact sheet. Made photocopies of contact sheet, theatre floor plan, rehearsal and performance report templates, cue sheets, and 5 of the scripts involved in the festival.

Once again, I experienced the “office side” of theatre. Behind every great show is great organization and preparation, and I’m coming to find that I love being part of the behind-the-scenes side. First, I quickly completed the remaining passes. Next, David asked me to take the contact sheets for four of the companies and compile them onto the festival's master contact sheet in the same way the production manager had arranged the already-compiled company contacts. I felt super duper tech-savvy, being able to copy and paste from Excel into Word with ease. Ha. Needless to say, I finished the contact list much more speedily than my soon-to-come photocopying assignment.

While pushing buttons is amusing, I quickly discovered that photocopying is only fun if you find diversions while waiting for myriad sheets of paper to print. So, as per usual, I hummed the RENT soundtrack to myself and had intrapersonal conversations, among other similar pass-times. At one point, a piece of paper jammed itself into the machine, and so one of the crew members helped me fix the problem.

Everyone is so friendly. Really. Graeme remembered my name right away, and says “hi” to me every time he sees me. Alett is so easy to work with. David is really chill, yet has everything pulled together. Russell, Amanda, and Ken seem nice, too, though I rarely interact with them. Alec sounded really snobby yesterday (silly member of the class of ’10), and we didn’t exchange any words today, but I’m trying (kind of) not to pre-judge him seeing as I don’t really know him.

In conclusion, I love the casual, artsy, able-to-joke-around-while-getting-work-done atmosphere!

June 30, 2010

Last day of festival prep. Made photocopies of one more script. Folded curtains and put them in bags. Cleaned the box office; put it in order. Touch up painting on the walls of the theatre.

My time at the theatre once again began with a deluge of rain and an early arrival of 10 minutes ‘til 5. “Darn” and “Yay”, respectively. Kenneth and I got to have a small conversation before everyone else arrived, chatting about college and whatnot (he just graduated from university. Snaps for crew bonding!). He reminds me so, so much of my cousin—their mannerisms are spookily parallel, plus they have the same hair color and similar facial features. OH the oddities of life.

Around 5, the production manager got me the last script to photocopy, so I finished that... not without some photocopier problems, though. Page 10 just getting jammed in the rollerthingamabobber. STUPID MACHINES! GAH! (This mayhap with the photocopier proved to be the only aggravating part of my day).

Amanda (the other intern) and I then folded unused curtains and put them in bags. I had never worked with curtains before, so this was a learning experience. I learned I would not like to work with curtains as part of my future job.

Then, she and I cleaned the box office, a space akin to a second home since I had been photocopying and laminating in it for the past two days.

"Hi, my name is Ellen aaaand... I like to party (like an office worker)!" Hot Rod...ish. (Hm... I think I just sounded lame.)

Amanda and I bonded over cloth folding, rearranging of precariously placed boxes, and discussion about the unnatural nature of how superfluously pasteurized milk needs not be refrigerated (the last of those three having to do with the stash of milk boxes for the theatre's day-time kiddie campers. Gross. The milk, that is... not the kiddies).

Alas, the box office did not need much “cleaning”, so she and I headed back to the theatre, where Graeme duly handed us paintbrushes and a can of glossy black paint. Painting over scuffs and worn portions of the walls provided yet another time of bonding for Amanda and myself. Crew bonding is a wonderful thing.

One piece of information—I suppose you could call it information—which I gained today did not come so much from the work I was doing but from the person with whom I was working. When talking about college, Amanda told me that she had to decide whether to major in drama or biochemical engineering (her university wouldn’t let her double major). This reminded me that I have ample options available to me, that I have choices to make, but that I can be multifaceted. Currently, I don’t know whether to major in theatre, psychology, or education... maybe even graphic design. I know I want to double major for sure, but that requires narrowing the list to two majors, non? Our exchange of words and anecdotes set firmly in my mind that I will not attend a university if it does not permit me to double major in the fields I wish to pursue. I want (and for the sake of my sanity, need) to keep as many doors open as possible.

But getting back to my internship...

At 7, the powers that be did not have any other tasks for Amanda and me to work on, so she and I were released early.

On a side note, I take back yesterday's statement about Alec being snobby. After making an effort to communicate (*Alec sits a seat away from Amanda and me.* Me: “We don’t bite.” Alec: “Well, then I’ll sit next to you.”), I feel as if our co-working will go swimmingly. Huzzah!


* * * * *


To conclude this first post on my new bloggieboo...

HAPPY CANADA DAY, LOVES!



What a wonderful reason to have a party, eh?

A bientot,
-eleanor